Porn Habit: Effects, Signs, and Therapy

“I can stop looking at porn anytime I do want to; I stop virtually every day. But I can’t resist the urge to begin again. Am I hooked on porn?” Does this sound as if you? Some psychologists think porn could be addicting but many disagree. It’s not addictive such as a drug may be – I’ve looked over porn in the past, and I’ve spent years without porn without any withdrawals. Calling porn addictive is a straightforward explanation that really explains nothing.

Still, I have discovered porn hard to resist at times. It seemed strongest when I was feeling anxious, lonely, or depressed. Why shouldn’t I indulge in certain fantasy experience of a lovely, willing woman with no demands or responsibilities? What’s the harm? But when it had been over and I was wiping up the outcome, I’d made no progress with whatever was bothering me. I don’t want to consider simply how much of my life has been wasted in mindless unproductive activity watching porn. So just why did I keep going back once again to it?

As a young adult, porn was an exciting way to find out a forbidden topic. Later, when my first marriage was failing and my business going down the tubes, I indulged in porn as a temporary escape. Throughout the lonely years following the divorce, I used porn as a balm for loneliness and depression. All of the made some sort of sense, but after Victoria moved in with me, I was still drawn to consider porn though it upset her. How could I seem sensible of the? Now I had a powerful reason to quit, but I was addicted to diaper porn.

In trying to realize why I was hooked, I came across all the lame reasons: “that’s just the way in which men are,” “men tend to be more visually oriented than women,” and “it’s a way to satisfy the male instinct to spread his seed.” And there have been lots of excuses too: “I’m not hurting anyone,” “it’s nothing related to you, Sweetie,” and “at the very least I’m not out chasing other women.”

Nothing seemed to produce sense in my experience until I found this simple explanation: porn is a method to meet some deep need within me. The essential theory is that actions are motivated by attempts to meet basic human needs. A simple example: a fundamental need is shelter; as a caveman, I would find a cave; as a new professional, I would rent an apartment. But we’re not simple creatures; often meeting one need means not meeting another. The caveman might have to sleep in the open to follow his food source. The young professional may need to decide between the nice apartment and sharing a house as a result of limited funds. Essentially they both have to locate new strategies to meet up their dependence on shelter.

Watching porn is a way of meeting some basic needs. After much self-examination, I still find it intimacy without fear that I am attempting to find. Of course, it’s just a facsimile of intimacy when compared to true intimacy with a genuine woman, but I’m only now beginning to learn what it may be like to have a relationship without fear. Throughout most of my life I kept a particular reserve, avoiding the risk of letting someone know the real me. Sexual intimacy was one thing, and easy – even affection was easy. But opening up? Showing a lady my deepest self? Not a chance. What if she didn’t like me? Imagine if she rejected me? What if I wasn’t sufficient? Learning a female was always exciting at the start – maybe she was the main one who’d accept me as I was. What I didn’t realize was that there wasn’t a chance anyone could really accept me if I didn’t ever open up. Eventually, the excitement died and we drifted apart for reasons uknown was handy.

This cycle was destructive, and deeply unsatisfying. I’ve always wanted someone I really could feel safe with, with whom I really could let go and be me without fear to be rejected, but real women weren’t filling that need – through no fault of theirs. The closest thing I came across was porn. With porn there is no worry that she’d leave me or that I wasn’t good enough. The images were always ready when I wanted them and willing to play whatever role I wanted.